he poo-ed again today!

key words:
fast and furious
soft
no difficulty
improvement
happy
pleased
keep up the good work!

good day

we had a pleasant day today. to start off, Jude did his poo poo before he went for play-school, with hardly any effort. i am extremely pleased and comforted. just got to keep up the high fibre diet and medications.

i made lunch, something new - shredded roast duck noodles with bean-sprouts. the duck was bought from the market, of course! Jude liked the first mouth, but was soon fussing after 10 minutes. i supposed he was tired. will try this dish again next time. it's important that i continue to persevere and gain his trust in proper food again.

After his nap, i took him to the new Children's Garden. i found the place a bit too artificial, but it's great fun for children. The irony is that the most popular part of the garden 'teaches' children how to waste water. i'm not for it. but still, i shall bring jude more often to make full use of its free entry, before it starts charging!

we decided to eat out at Adam Rd food centre, after Jude had his usual porridge dinner at home. he didn't want to pinch anything from our plates. instead he sat quietly next to us, people watching. after dinner, he walked most of the way home. when home, he fussed a little over cleaning up, but i guessed he must be feeling sleepy from the effects of the cough mixture and the exercise he had. True enough, he didn't want any bedtime stories of Elmo or Oscar and was very soon sound asleep.

now thinking back, i am even more certain Jude's past willfulness was mostly due to lack of my patience and too much of harsh punishment. I know what to expect and what to do now. but as a reminder to myself, it doesn't mean that he can do whatever he wants all the time. i will still need to be firm when necessary.

note to self: take more pics of jude!

this prayer... enough said.

i'm not usually into catholic prayers , but i was very drawn to this:

O Lord, omnipotent Father, we give you thanks for having given us children. They are our joy, and we accept with serenity the worries, fears, and labors which bring us pain. Help us to love them sincerely. Through us you gave life to them; from eternity you knew them and loved them. Give us the wisdom to guide them, patience to teach them, vigilance to accustom them to the good through our example.

Support our love so that we may receive them back when they have strayed and make them good. It is often so difficult to understand them, to be as they would want us to be, to help them go on their way. Grant that they may always see our home as a haven in their time of need. Teach us and help us, O good Father, through the merits of Jesus, your Son and our Lord.

Amen.

feeling and eating better

by now, jude is eating better. in fact, he finished his dinner in peace for the first time in .... a few days, but feel like donkey months to me. we brought him for his appointment at KKH for his constipation problem and was given the usual sugar solution, but a larger dosage for an longer period of time. i've come to accept that Jude's pangsai problem, as well as fussy eating, is a result of psychological issues. He's probably ignoring his feelings to go because of previous failures and time causes the stools to harden further. as for eating, i am guilty of force feeding. have been reading up for ways to gain his trust again. next appointment to KKH is set to be 2 months later. Hope for the best!

Something i would like to note down for memory sake. Today jude had to take a blood test, which is for something to do with ruling out possibilities of side effects due to chronic constipation. the poor boy, he didn't know what was going on and he was rather tired by the time he had to take the blood test. amazingly, he didn't cry out loud when the needle was poked into him. although his eyes were brimming with tears and he whimpered, he remained still throughout the ordeal. i was amazed, pleased and touched at his bravery.

to end off,

Long absence from this blog means something not good

basically i am demoralized...

while i was trying to work on jude's pangsai problem, a terrible throat infection striked him down and now he's reduced from a size M to a size S. he doesn't want to eat anything; i guess swallowing really really hurts. today is the 4th day of the throat saga. i estimate he will lose 100g per day... that means by today, he must have lost 400g...

*big sigh*

random thoughts of being a parent

while it's really nice to have a child to call your own, the heavy responsibility and endless worrying that came in the package, puts a strain on me. one child to some other parents is no big deal, but to me, jude is my report card and it seems so extremely important to score. no borderline results allowed, red marks are out of the question. every aspect of me is being tested and revealed in him. i see the effects of my parenting..... and didn't like it.

to put it simply, i realized another side of me. at the end of every sem, i need to sign my own report card and i dun like the result i see.

Nope, i never regret having Jude. i still think that he's the best thing that has happened to me and no one else can ever replace him. i love being a mum; i just think i'm not very good as a mum.

so, sorry LKY, i'm stopping at one definitely.